Monday, January 17, 2011

And... My baby isn't a baby anymore....

Tanner's 1st Birthday!

How do I feel about my "baby" being one? I am a little happy, a little sad. Please, let me tell you why :)

I am happy because, selfishly, I don't have to buy formula anymore! I don't have to have a diaper bag to leave the house. I get to sleep all night (most nights). I don't have to be super careful about what he eats (we are a peanut butter family!) I am happy because he is growing up, and we are out of the constant need to eat, burp, diaper stage. I love to watch him grow and learn new "tricks" for lack of a better word. He is saying "Daddy, Dadda" and "Baba" although, as soon as we get the okay from the doctor tomorrow, that will be gone. Poor guy doesn't even know what is about to hit him! He is developing his own little personality. And I am willing to bet, based on his current attitude, he's going to be a lot more laid back than his older sister! Must I mention, he is so laid back, that he does a sad little army crawl. Belly dragging on the floor. I might even go so far as to say he lacks a little motivation. And I mean that in the nicest way possible!

I am sad because he is my baby. I was shopping tonight, walked through the tiny baby section and a tear literally rolled down my face. As much as I don't like getting up all night, being an 24/7 milk jug, and the taste of projectile vomit leaves a lot to be desired, I love the cuddle bunny stage. The tiny little fingers, the eensy weensy toes. The first smiles and coos. Little elbows and dimples, even the lack of visible neck is adorable.

Ugh, melts my heart.
Moms, please tell me this phase of sadness passes, or I'll be pregnant for the rest of my life. I don't know how to get past this grief. I don't know if grief is the right word, but I feel like my baby is growing to a toddler and I miss my baby. I love my toddler, don't get me wrong. I just wish they could stay little. Callie's Taylor Swift obsession has brought me across a song about staying little that also makes me tear up. See a theme here? Kind of a wimp. I know.

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