Friday, December 13, 2013

"Time" Magazine Got It Wrong...

Move over Miley. Sorry, Royal Baby George. The most fascinating person of 2013 is the Elf itself. Okay, maybe not most fascinating, but definitely one of the most polarizing. He or She, depending on your preference, is more talked about this time of year than the Presidential "funeral selfie" or the foam finger.

Elf on the Shelf is the Kim Kardashian of Christmas. Fake, plastic face, cold? No, that's not why. Either loved or hated, the Elf on the Shelf is a major source of contention in our society. And the Elf has the biggest paparazzi I've ever seen. We've all seen the sweet side, but we've also seen some photos floating around the internet of our friend, the Elf, in some very compromising positions.

Do I love or hate the Elf, you ask? Truth is, I haven't decided yet. Really awesome moms love the Elf because they get to show off their creativity (or Pinterest addiction). Really cool moms don't even do the Elf, or do just the basics, because the Elf tops the list that "ain't nobody got time for." I'm somewhere in the middle of awesome and cool. So I decided to make a list of things I love and things I hate about the Elf. Let's be a ball of positivity and start with hate.

Ten Things I Hate About You, Mr. Elf:
I hate the way you look at me,
and your creepy hair.
I hate the way you pressure me
to move you here and there.
I hate your big dumb elf hat,
and your sewn together hands.
I hate all of the messes you make,
and how your legs cannot stand.
I hate the way I do all of the work,
and you take all of the glory.
I hate that I can't touch you,
who wrote this stinkin' story?
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
Okay well maybe a little bit,
Now let's move on the love part. This part won't be a poem. That's on my list of things I "ain't got any time for" right now. Sorry to disappoint.
I love the way my kids get so excited to hunt for you every morning. I love that you're a tradition. I love that you are a tool for me to help them believe the magic of the season. I love to see them rush out of bed (okay, maybe not when it's before 7) to see what crazy thing you're doing. And for them, the messier, the better. And for the record, my kids clean up ANY mess the Elf makes.
So, I do it for the magic. For the fun. For the memories. And for the tradition. Love the Elf or hate it, I have a feeling the little creep is here to stay. 


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